She's Not Little Miss Perfect Anymore
by jayfeather12345
Summary: After the battle with the Dark Forest I thought it was finally over. I thought I could finally forget what happened all those seasons ago. But I was wrong. Those memories still haunt me and I must make a choice. In the eyes of many cats I can do no wrong; I'm as close to perfect as a cat can get. But they're wrong. Even perfect cats have secrets, and mine is about to explode.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything you recognise.

For those of you who are also fans of my story Living in the Moment: Fear not, I will update that in due time. This idea has been swimming around in my brain for a while and so I finally decided to write it down.

Enjoy.

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**Prologue**

I look up at my mate, a smile curling on my muzzle. For a long time I thought I couldn't have him, but I know I made the right choice when I chose him over the destiny I could have had otherwise. Our moon-old kits are suckling at my belly, their fluffy fur and bright eyes making me smile further. Right now, I could not be more content.

But then a dark shadow flickers in a corner of the nursery, and the smile fades from my face. For a moment, I imagine the face of the cat who nearly destroyed me, and I shiver involuntarily. I push those dark memories to the back of my mind, but they don't disappear. They are still there, lingering in the deepest corners of my mind, ready to creep forward and strike like a snake during my moments of weakness or happiness when I have my guard down. They try to grip my mind and poison it with thoughts so dark even the Place of No stars would want nothing to do with me.

I feel my mate lick my cheek, and I gaze into his warm, loving eyes, wishing I could just stay like this forever and forget everything that happened. But I know that I will never lose the memories of what happened. Even as I purr, I feel my neck fur pricking and the poisonous memories try to overwhelm me.

"I love you," I tell my mate as he lies down nest to me. "And I love out kits. I'm glad I choose you." I push the memories – more like nightmares – away once more, determined to just enjoy the moment, with my mates fur pressed against mine.

"I'm glad you choose me too," he replies. "Our kits are perfect, just like you."

I look down at the two fluffy bundles of fur. "Hollykit takes after you," I mewed. The golden tabby she-kit has the same build as my mate, but the eyes of his dead sister who was also my best friend. "She will be an amazing warrior some day."

"As will Fernkit – she looks just like you," my mate returns.

I purr again. "Do I look like a moon old kit to you?"

His eyes widen and I laugh as he tries to correct himself. "No! I didn't mean... what I meant to say was..."

I flick his nose with my tail. "I'm just joking," I tell him. He growls playfully and swipes my tail away, and for a moment I forget my dark past, losing myself in the moment.

"Oh!" I gasp suddenly, as pain shoots through my body from head to tail. It lasts only for a moment and leaves me gasping. My mate looks at me in concern.

"Are you all right?"

I nod and mumble something about going to the medicine den. However instead of stumbling across camp I head out into the forest with a bad feeling in my stomach. I follow a trail towards the edge of the ShadowClan border instinctively, as though something else is controlling my movements. I scent the air as I approach the place where ThunderClan's border meets ShadowClan's at the edge of both our territories, but I smell nothing out of the ordinary.

For a few moments I stand under the shade of a tree near the border, but when nothing happens I turn to go back to camp.

"Cinder," a cold voice makes me freeze and my fur tremble.

I turn around slowly to meet the icy blue eyes of a cat I thought I had left behind forever. He is standing out in the open, just beyond the border. His thick black fur is smooth, his one white paw just visible next to a patch of ferns, and his eyes bear a guarded expression.

"What are you doing here? What do you want?" I growl, my hackles rising.

"So, you remember me then?" he shows his teeth in a twisted sort of smile. I narrow my eyes.

"Those memories have stalked me ever since I gained the memories of my old life back," I tell him, watching him warily.

His eyes glint in the weak sunlight. "I know. I came to apologise, Cinder. What I did..."

I blink in confusion. "Apologise?" I echo. Then, "My name isn't Cinder."

"It is to me," he meows simply. "I miss you Cinder. What we had back then was real, true love. You could never replicate those feelings, not even with that overgrown tabby you seem to love so much now," he lets a sneer enter his voice as he talks about my mate and I hiss slightly.

"Don't talk about him like that. He's a much better cat that you ever were, and he loves me more than you ever did," I growl.

"You're right, I didn't appreciate what I had. But ever since my father was murdered – ah, killed – I knew I was been wrong. I realised my true love for you. I tried to find you, but then the Clans left the lake. It took me seasons to find this place, Cinder. Please forgive me," he stares at me beseechingly and for a second I feel myself falling into his trap, but I harden my gaze and look away.

"I can't. I'm a loyal warrior of ThunderClan now with kits of my own to protect. Goodbye Raze, I hope I never see you again." I turn around and run back to camp, but not before I hear him call after me.

"Goodbye Cinder, I know I'll see you soon!"

I return to the nursery, shaken, but I pretend to be fine as I curl once more around my kits and lie my head on my paws. I close my eyes, willing sleep to come quickly, but all I can hear is the voice of Raze echoing in my ears, whispering promises that he broke one by one all those seasons ago when the Clans still lived in the forest.

That's right. I am Cinderheart, formerly Cinderpelt, and this is my story – the story of how I am not the Little Miss Perfect everyone thinks me to be.

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**Author's Note: **So what did you think? I got this idea when I saw someone write that they never liked Cinderpelt/heart because she was 'perfect', the pet of the Erins. I wanted to make the point that even people who seem perfect and can't do anything wrong have secrets, things they aren't proud of, and have made mistakes. Just because they don't broadcast them, it doesn't mean they haven't happened. I know this is just a fanfic, but since the first series followed Fireheart's POV and he didn't know everything that was going on, this could fit in with the storyline and something like this could have happened, but I guess we'll never know.

Anyway, reviews are always welcome, along with concrit *hint hint*.

So who do you think Raze is? Who knows what raze means?


	2. It Started With A Blackbird

**Disclaimer: **I own only Raze and the plot, nothing more, nothing less.

So I changed the summary, I thought this one was better...

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, you really motivated me to write this chapter!

Enjoy.

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**Chapter One**

**~ It Started With A Blackbird ~**

The sunlight was weak on one of the last fairly warm days of Leaf-fall, and the wind brought a slight chill with it as it swept through the forest belonging to ThunderClan.

A slight shiver ran through my pelt as I slowly put one paw in front of the other, my belly fur brushing the ground as I drew closer to the blackbird. It was technically outside the ThunderClan border, but the Clan needed all the fresh kill it could get this close to Leaf-bare, and I was sure Fireheart wouldn't ask me where it came from.

My gaze was fixed on the bird and I blocked my ears to all the other sounds of the forest and I crept even closer, concentrating hard on my prey. Just as the blackbird pulled a worm free from the ground and then took a look around with one beady eye, I leapt. As I jumped through the air I began to let out a triumphant yowl, certain the bird was about to become fresh-kill, but before my outstretched claws could touch it something crashed into me.

I spat black fur out of my mouth as a startled yowl ripped from throat. I heard the alarm call of the blackbird as it rose into the air in a flurry of feathers, taking off into the trees. As I rolled over and over with the cat who had jumped into me I growled in frustration. The already scarce prey was making me a bit more short tempered than usual.

"Hey! Get off me!" I spat as my attacker and I finally stopped rolling. The other cat's weight vanished and I scrambled to my paws.

"Sorry!" the cat who had jumped into me exclaimed, his eyes wide. I stared at him. He had a bold black, short-furred, pelt with one white forepaw, and bright, ice blue eyes. He looked to be roughly the same age as me, for while his fur was short it was also fluffy and probably still kit-soft, like mine. He smoothed down his ruffled fur as he added between licks, "But you did get in the way of me stalking that bird."

I blinked in surprise and shook my fur out. "That was my bird – I was stalking it first," I informed him.

He looked up at me, shaking his head. "No you weren't, that was clearly my bird. I would've caught it too, if you hadn't jumped in front of me."

I narrowed my eyes. "_You _jumped in front of _me_! You were miles away from the bird, you wouldn't have caught it in a million seasons," I shot back.

"Well at least I wasn't being so clumsy when I was stalking it that a cat would have to be deaf not to hear me," he returned smugly.

I rolled my eyes. This cat just wasn't worth the effort. "Well the blackbird is long gone now, so there's no point in arguing over it. You'd better get off of my territory," I meow, fluffing up my fur in an attempt to look threatening.

The other cat mirrored my actions, fluffing up his fur as well. "Your territory? This is my territory," he informed me.

"You're just arguing with me for the sake of it now. This is clearly ThunderClan... territory..." I trailed off. Glancing around, I realised the border was behind me.

"See? You're on my territory. So that was my bird, regardless of who would have caught it," he mewed smugly.

"This land belongs to no-one," I argued. "You haven't put any scent marks here, so you can't claim it as yours," I pointed out.

He wrinkled his nose. "Uh, well, yeah, but this piece of land is connected to the Twolegplace, and my father rules the Twolegplace, so this belongs to me – well, it belongs to my father, so therefore it belongs to me as well," he tried to explain.

I just stared at him. "You're a rogue?" I should have guessed he was a rogue, since he obviously wasn't a Clan cat."

"And you're one of those Clan cats. So?" he shrugged, but recognition suddenly lit in his eyes, and we both jumped backwards at the same time.

"Urgh, my mother always told me rogues were unpleasant troublemakers who smelled of crowfood and existed only to cause trouble, and that I should stay away from them at all costs!" I exclaimed at the same time as the rogue expressed his own displeasure at finding himself in my company.

"Urgh, my father always told me Clan cats were vile monsters who smelled of rotting flesh and existed only to terrorise any cat who wasn't one of them, and that I should stay away from them at all costs!"

Then we stared at each other, aware of how similar our outbursts had been. For a moment there was silence.

"You know that rotting flesh is basically crowfood, right?" I mewed eventually. The rogue nodded.

"You don't smell like crowfood though..." he told me. I smiled and stood up slightly straighter. "You smell much worse!" he laughed, and I flattened my ears.

"Well at least I don't smell like a piece of rotting flesh that's been wasting away in a Twoleg dump for the past season," I sniffed, turning away from him as though his odour upset me.

Instead of making some sort of sly remark like I expected, he just grinned evilly.

"You want to know what I really smell like?" he asked.

I frowned. "What-" I began, but he was already running towards me.

"Go on then, smell my fur! Take a deep sniff!" he called. I turned tail and ran along the stretch of land between the forest and the Twolegplace, which was dotted with a few trees and bushes but not many.

"Phaw, you stink!" I yowled over my shoulder at him as I ran. I completely forgot about ThunderClan and that I was supposed to be back at camp with some prey before dusk.

"Not as much as you do," the rogue called back. He sounded nearer than I thought he was and I turned my head to look at him as I ran. For such a small cat (he was only _slightly_ bigger than me, which wasn't that big), he sure was fast. I wasn't looking where I was going when I was checking his progress, and so I stumbled on a twig, giving him the chance to catch up to me.

The rogue pounded on me, sending us both tumbling down a grassy slope and into a pile of leaves at the bottom which all flew up as we landed in it and soon became buried. I spat out a dead leaf and popped my head up through the leaves to see several leaves still floating back down. The rogue jumped out of the leaf pile and shook himself, checking his pelt for leaves. Then he looked at me, and for some reason started laughing.

"What?" I asked defensively. "What's so funny?"

"You..." he gasped, "You have a leaf... on you head!" he spluttered, collapsing on the ground as he laughed.

My expression was not amused as I bundled out of the leaf pile and shook the leaf from me head. "Hey, stop it!" I told him. "It wasn't that funny!"

But he continued to laugh, and try as I might to resist it, his laughing was infectious. "You were just... sitting there, with only your head... visible about the leaves, and... you looked so solemn... and then that leaf just... floated down and landed... on your head!" he was laughing so hard as he explained that he began choking.

That was the last claw for me, I began giggling, which soon turned into laughter.

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It was some time later when we both finally managed to calm down. It was beginning to get dark and as we both lay there, taking calming breaths, I suddenly remembered that I should have been back at the ThunderClan camp before dusk.

"Mousedung!" I exclaimed, jumping to my paws. I looked around, unsure of the way back to the ThunderClan border.

"What's wrong?" the rogue asked, also getting to his paws. "That was fun, I want to do it all over again now," he grinned, his ice blue eyes shining.

I hesitated. "I was supposed to be back at camp ages ago," I admitted. "Do you know the way back to the border?"

"Yeah, it's that way," the rogue told me. "But... wait!" he called after me as I took off in the direction he had pointed me in.

"Thanks! I had fun too," I called back.

"What's your name?" he ran after me until we reached the border. I turned around to look at him.

"Cinderpaw... what's yours?" I asked curiously.

"Raze," he smiled. "But Cinderpaw sounds weird."

I glared at him. "Cinderpaw is my clan name," I declared. "I bear it with honour."

Raze shrugged. "It's still weird. I'll call you Cinder."

"I suppose it doesn't matter what you call me; it's not like you're ever going to see me again," I conceded. "Bye Raze." I trotted over the border.

"Wait – why won't you see me again?" he called after me, but I just waved my tail in reply before running all the way back to camp.

Despite knowing Fireheart was going to scold me for coming back so late and without prey (and separately from Brackenpaw, since we had been told to hunt together), my paws flew over the ground and I couldn't stop smiling as I thought of the time I had spent with Raze. It had been brief, but I still felt my paws tingling and happiness lingering in my eyes.

I thought it was just a shame I wasn't going to see him again, because the Warrior Code forbade it. Great StarClan, how wrong I was.

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**Author's Note: **Eh, I'm not sure how good my characterisation of Cinderpaw was in this chapter. She seems like quite a light-hearted cat to me, and she's also still quite young - only a moon or so into training. If you're wondering, this chapter takes place soon after Graystripe met Silverstream during Fire and Ice, before Cinderpaw had her accident on the Thunderpath.

So did you like it? Hate it? Have any questions about it? Feel anything for it that might motivate you to review? Anything at all?

Who can guess who Raze's father is?


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